Co-concurrent Disorder and Recovery

I suffer from co-concurrent disorder. I have schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, and the disease of addiction. At the present moment I am recovering from all three.

I will be clean and sober for nine years on December 6th this year. My schizophrenia has been almost in complete remission since February 2000. I am slowly recovering from my OCD. I am still battling my OCD but making good progress.

It is such a wonderful feeling to be living in reality and not suffering from the symptoms of schizophrenia and addiction. At the present moment I love life, I love being alive, I just cannot express in words how great it is not to be suffering from psychosis. When I was ill with schizophrenia and using and abusing drugs and alcohol I lived in my own little psychotic world completely cut off from reality.

I felt that I was completely alone in life. I felt that I was the only person existing in life. I didn't believe that other people existed. I had no connection with other people and with the outside world. I was totally wrapped up in my own existence. It is wonderful to know that there are other people out there and that I now have the ability to connect with others. I can truly have fellowship with other people. I can feel that oneness with others. I am no longer completely alone in life. I enjoy my relationship with my wife, my family, and my friends. I just love people and love having that connection with others. I can also truly empathize with others when they are suffering from mental illness and/or addiction. I know what they are going through and can share my experience, strength, and hope with others to help give them hope. I suffered from long term chronic mental illness for approximately 20 years. I abused drugs and alcohol off and on during this time period.

Although there were times when I could perceive that there were other people out there but wasn't able to connect with them. Even when I was aware that there were other people existing besides me I still felt all alone. Alone in my own misiery, pain, suffering, torture, and torment. I had no hope that my suffering would ever end. Despite this there were times when I did have hope that some day some how my suffering would end. Some how my life would get better.

In December 1999 I went to detox to get dried out. I spent a few weeks there. I was still suffering from my mental illness. After leaving detox I moved back in with my Mom and Dad. I went through the motions of Christmas.

In February I got to the point where I could not go on any further in life. All the pain, suffering, torture, and torment got to the point where I just could not bear it any more. I decided that I was going to kill myself and this time I wasn't going to do a half assed job. I will succeed at taking my own life this time. For some unknown reason I called up my nurse that was working with me at the time. I told her my intentions about ending my life. She said, "well you could give up and kill yourself or you can do something about your situation." I stayed awake for three days and three nights thinking about what my nurse had said. I made the decision that I was not going to give up and kill myself and that I was going to do something to change my life and situation.

A couple of days after I made this decision my nurse called me up and told me about the Beacon Program in the Rehab in Waterville. I decided to go there. I was there within a couple of weeks. Doctor Mulhall told me about clozapine and the benefits and the dangers of taking it. He told me to think about it. I did think about it and decided to try it. It worked. It was the first medication that I took for my schizophrenia that actually worked any longer than four months.

Since I went there I met my present wife. I am happily married. My wife and I are having a wonderful life together. I also worked at a candle factory for five years five days a week and eight hours a day. After the five years I got laid off. It wasn't my fault. The company just couldn't afford to pay us becuase of financial reasons.

At the present moment I have a part time fob at Flyer Services putting flyers together. I have two writing jobs. I write for the Schizophrenia Newsletter published by the Kings County Chapter of the Schizophenia Society. I also write for the Mental Health Perspective Newsletter published by the Kings County Branch of the Canadian Mental Health Association.

I believe that life just gets better and better. I continueally recover day by day as time goes on. I just seem to get better and better as time moves forward. I find that with the clozapine you don't get to the point where you just cannot improve anymore. I just keep on improving every day. Tomorrow I will improve, a week from now I'll continue to improve, a month from now and so on and so on as the years roll on.

Not everyone recovers but many do. Once the doctors find the right medication recovery is truly possible. Medication is the cornerstone of recovery. Once the positive symptoms are under control from the meds then the rest of recovery can start happening. Recovery continues on by receiving psycho-social treatments. With the combination of these two types of treatment a person stands a real good chance at getting recovery.

If you are having problems with your thought life, your feelings and emotions, your ability to work or do well in school, and are not able to carry on a social life there is a possibility that you might have some sort of mental illness. If you start to experience these problems you should consider seeking professional help. Seek treatment. Treatment is possible. Don't give up hope. Eventually things will get better. I cannot guareentee that you will recover but if you follow your treatment regime you will stand a good chance at recovering. Just don't despair. Have faith, hope, and courage and you will get through the hard times and come out the other side victorious.