Saturday, September 21, 2013

Lifestyle Change

For almost seven months I didn't smoke.  I was on the patch.  It didn't help much.  Even though I was getting nicotine it wasn't enough.  For the whole seven months I craved continually.  Since I quit my mental health was not very good.  I wasn't able to focus and concentrate on my research and writing.  I had a terrible time at work.  Basically I just wasn't able to function very well.  I have just done the bare things that needed to be done.  I haven't accomplished much since I quit.

Finally I just got fed up with the whole thing and started smoking again yesterday.  I am not upset with myself and I am quite glad I started again.  Just since yesterday my mental health has improved almost 100%.  I have a lot more energy since I quit.  When I wasn't smoking I didn't have much energy.  I wasn't able to as much as I did before I quit..  I was always tired and slept in a lot.  The  whole experience was simply a nightmare.

A lot of people are disappointed in me for starting again but it is my life not theirs.  I have perfect peace of mind since I started.  I am glad I started again.  It cost a lot of money to smoke and tobacco went up quite a bit since I quit but I will solve that problem by smoking moderately and have been successful at doing this. That is difficult to do but I am determined to do so.  I have to moderate because I have a very limited income.

I personally believe that my life will greatly improve since I started again.  I basically had two choices.  Have good physical health and poor mental health, or have poor physical health but good mental health.  I have free will to do whatever I decide to do and I used my freewill to smoke again.  Frankly I do not care about all those people out there that are dead against smoking and what they think or have to say about my smoking.

I would like to end this article by stating I am completely happy and content with my decision.  In the article I previously wrote about my quitting wasn't very accurate because I just happened to be having a good day that day. That my regular daily experience most of the time it was like I have just described in this article.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Anniversary

Today is our anniversary.  We have been married 12 years.  It has been the best 12 years of my whole life.  Kim has made me what I am today.  When we first met I was only clean and sober for a few months.  She helped me a lot in staying clean and sober.  She helps me get victory over my OCD.  We do a lot of things together.  I am just very happy I met Kim.  She is special in my life.  Our marriage gives me meaning and purpose in life.  Without Kim I would be like a little lost sheep in the wilderness wandering around aimlessly.She loves me despite my schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, addiction, and alcoholism.She loves me for who I am.  She overlooks the labels the medical profession has put upon me.  I love her very, very, very much and I hope we have many more wonderful years together.  Basically Kim has helped me tremendously with my recovery.  If it wasn't for her I would not be in the stage of recovery I am in right now.  I am very grateful and thankful for having Kim in my life.

Bye for now.