When I was very ill most of my symptoms were religious in nature. All my hallucinations, delusions, and other symptoms all had some kind of religious or spiritual content to them. I was totally obsessed with religious thoughts and other related types of thought. There were times when I was suicidal because I thought that I was possessed with evil spirits and that I was evil and had to be punished by death.
I could probably write on forever describing all the thoughts and experiences I had concerning religion. When I was ill 99% of my waking hours were spent being preoccupied and obsessed with some type of religious thinking be it good or evil, God or Satan. There were times when I thought that both God and Satan were living inside of me battling for control of my mind and life. There were times when all I was occupied with was the content of the Bible, Buddhist Scriptures, and other religious writings that I have been reading over the years. I was also obsessed with different philosophies I have been studying. Atheism, Theism, Deism, materialism, dualism, and many other types of philosophy. I had no peace of mind, was always in a state of turmoil, unrest, and total confusion.
Now that my symptoms are under control by my medication I think just as rationally, logically, and clearly as anyone else who is not ill. In fact people would not know that I had schizophrenia or OCD unless I told them so. They would never suspect that. Now that I am reasonably well and can think clearly I am still left with the question. What are the answers to all the mysteries out there? There are so many different religions out there. So many different philosophies out there. You have all the beliefs of the occult. People believe in the paranormal. Some people are atheists and believe in nothing but science. If science cannot prove it then it doesn't exist.
The point to all these things I have been talking about is just: what should I believe? what are the answers to all the mysteries of life concerning origins, religion, and philosophy? Is it possible to know the truth, believe the truth, and live by the truth? What is truth? I have read so many different religions, philosophies, and occult writings I am totally confused and have no idea as to what the truth actually is. How does one determine truth? How does one decide on what to believe? These questions are not the ravings of someone who is in a psychotic state which at one time I was. These questions are in the mind of someone who thinks rationally, logically, and clearly at the present moment. Just how does one determine the truth?
For me personally I don't know the answers to all the mysteries of the origin, religions, and philosophies of man. Is it possible for me to ever find out the answers concerning religion and philosophy? This is where I am at in the present moment. I just wanted to share these things with my readers.
