I want to do something about my smoking. I truly want to quit. People say I cannot quit and that I should just cut back until I get to the point where it would be easier to quit. There is a problem with this concept. I just wouldn't work.
I am addicted to nicotine. My nicotine addiction is exactly the same as my alcohol and drug addiction. I don't believe in harm reduction. I am not capable of being a social drinker or drug user. I cannot control my use of drugs or alcohol. I either drink or I do not. I either smoke weed or I do not. There is only one way to recover from addiction and alcoholism. Complete abstinence.
The same applies to nicotine addiction. I cannot control my use of cigarettes. I either smoke or I do not. I have tried many many times to slowly cut back. It just didn't work. The concept of harm reduction does not work for recovering from drug and alcohol addiction. Harm reduction does not work for a nicotine addiction either.
There is only one way to quit smoking. Quit and never take another puff. It sounds simple but it is very difficult. I am highly physically addicted. I am highly psychologically addicted. The physical withdrawal would be very severe and the psychological craving would be very severe. In order to quit I have to endure much physical and psychological torture and torment.
I truly want to quit but when I think about what I have to go through to quit I have doubts that I would succeed. If I did succeed it would be the worst battle I ever fought in life. I have been procrastinating quitting because I truly know what I have to go through in order to succeed. I am certainly not looking forward to quitting but at the same time I know that I need to quit. Two main reasons which are health and money. I am slowly committing suicide and I spend 99% of my income on cigarettes. No one needs to lecture me on the hazards of smoking. I probably know more about the hazards of smoking than the people that lecture me on it. I know my body and what smoking is doing to it. I know that almost all of my income is spent on tobacco. Knowing these things doesn't make it any easier to quit.
So, I am in a dilemma. Even though I know all the reasons why I should not smoke and put all my willpower into it doesn't guarantee success. I am powerless over drugs and alcohol. I am also powerless over nicotine. To be honest with myself and my readers it is more difficult to quit smoking than it was for me to give up drugs and alcohol. Smoking is a hundred times harder to give up than drugs and alcohol.
I am hoping that someday by a miracle I will be able to pull it off and quit smoking. I will not give up but keep trying until I do quit or they bury me. Whichever comes first. Another thing I would like to mention is the so called smoking cessation programs to help people quit smoking work for society in general but do not work for those who have a mental illness. The issues are totally different. The issues go a lot deeper than for those without a mental illness. These techniques just don't work for consumers.
I had the opportunity to talk to a scientist, psychiatrist, and professor who had a long line of degrees attached to his name about the smoking thing. I asked him if he had done any research on smoking. He gave me a hearty laugh and said "oh yea". He said in order for me to quit I would need to be on the strongest patch available and receive heavy duty psychotherapy for months and months. He also said "even then there is a slim chance that I could quit."
There is not much hope that I would ever quit but that doesn't mean that I don't want to quit and I can keep attempting it as long as I am still alive on this planet of ours. I will either quit or it will kill me. One or the other.
