My Story

When I was fourteen years old I became addicted to drugs and alcohol. I became a very heavy drug and alcohol user. Many times I overdosed and came very close to death. In fact I believe the only reason I’m alive is because of God’s divine providence and intervention. According to the laws of science I should be dead a hundred times over. Finally after three years of living hell I got clean and sober.

After that I became heavily involved in the Church. Eventually I got to the point where on Sunday nights I used to get up and preach the gospel. I also took public part in the Lord’s Supper, in other churches known as communion. I also took part in public prayer at the Bible Studies. At what we called the Children’s Gospel Hour I used to speak to the children.
I stayed involved in the Church for a few years. But meanwhile I was developing schizophrenia. I had very severe psychological problems. I was having trouble living up to my religious beliefs. Finally I left the church.

I decided to go back to school. While there my psychosis started getting very severe. I quit school and started using drugs and alcohol again.

I was suffering from both visual and auditory hallucinations. Paranoia started settling in my thought life. I did drugs and alcohol from the time I woke up until I went to sleep. I just wandered around town day and night stoned right out of my mind. I very seldom talked to anyone because of my paranoia.

Finally I was taken to the hospital, given a couple of needles and sent down to the Nova Scotia Hospital, a hospital for the mentally ill. I was put on chlorpromazine and stayed there for about six weeks.

The second day home I started taking my meds for the purpose of committing suicide. Mom came out and caught me. I was sent back down to the hospital. I was put on a injectable called modecate. After a couple of weeks I was sent back home.

After arriving home I managed to get clean and sober. My positive symptoms, the hallucinations, delusions, and thought disturbances kept under good control. But I suffered from negative symptoms. I couldn’t do anything. Get showers, read, do house chores, etc. All I did was pace the floor continually because of anxiety, and restlessness which was a result of the side effects of my medication.

In about a year after being discharged from the Nova Scotia Hospital my family doctor decided that I didn’t have schizophrenia. He took me off of my meds. Within three weeks I got sick again. This was the beginning of experiencing long term chronic mental illness. I was put back on medication. Approximately for the next 15 years my illness was in full bloom.

After being put back on meds I started using drugs and alcohol again. Between my psychosis and the drugs and alcohol I lived in my own little world. I had completely left reality. I lived in my own psychotic world completely cut off from being able to think rationally, logically, and make sense of the outside world.

During the next few years I was tried on several different medications. None of them worked. Finally it got to the point where I was on 825 mg of chlorpromazine, 250 mg of nozinan, 15 mg of artane, 3 mg of xanix, a day and 15 mg of fluanxle im every two weeks. I was kept on these meds for a few years.

While on these meds I bounced back and forth between positive symptoms and negative symptoms. I was always sick. I had no relief from mental torture and torment. Many times I was suicidal during this time period. Sometimes my Mom and Dad had to watch me 24 hours a day. They took turns so they could get some sleep.

After years of my suffering I was sent down to the psychiatric unit at the hospital in Truro. I was put on olanzapine. It worked. I was able to get showers, read for long periods of time, I went on long birdwatching hikes. My life seemed to make a turn around. Then something happened. I got sick again. My well period only lasted about four months.

While in Truro hospital I met a woman there. We started going out together. I decided to move to Truro. While there I was still sick. I started using drugs again. I was hospitalized four or five times while living there.

It got to the point where I couldn’t stay in Truro. I called Mom to see if I could come back home. They said yes. Meanwhile I went up to out patients at the Truro hospital. I wasn’t admitted but arrangements were made for me to go to detox in Springhill which is only a twenty minute drive from Mom and Dads. I went back to my room. Mom and Dad were there. After everything was packed we headed out.

Mom and Dad dropped me off at detox. After being there a couple of weeks I went home to Mom and Dads. I lived at their place for awhile and stayed clean and sober.

Then I decided to get my own place in town. After two days in town I started the drugs and alcohol again. I was using so much I hardly ate anything. For the next few months all I did was use drugs and drink. I just sat at my kitchen table smoked lots of cigarettes and listened to music. I also went out to drink sometimes at a friends place and went to the bar sometimes. But most of my time was spent home by myself.

I got tired of my lifestyle. One night I called detox to see if they had a bed. It was around 11 at night. The nurse told me there was no bed but proceeded to talk to me because she knew me and my drug habits. Before I hung up she told me to go lay down. About ten minutes after I called the phone rang. It was the police. The officer asked me if I would go downstairs and let a couple of police officers in. They wanted to take me to the hospital. I went downstairs. They told me to get in the car. I had no coat, no cigarettes, and no boots on. They wouldn’t let me go back upstairs to get them

After arriving at the hospital they gave me some kind of charcoal mix to drink. I started vomiting a lot. I was really sick and very close to death. I knew the security guard and when he made his rounds he stopped by, took me outside and gave me a smoke.

The police came and picked me up in the morning and drove me back home. I arrived home at six in the morning. As soon as I got in I called detox again. They had a bed. I was there by noon. I stayed there about two or three weeks. When it was time to go home the staff there talked me into going back home with Mom and Dad. They knew that if I went back to my apartment I would start using again.

I went home to Mom and Dads. I went through the motions of Christmas. In February I decided that life wasn’t worth living anymore. I’ve been living in hell for the last fifteen years. I decided that I was going to kill myself and this time I will succeed.For some reason I called my nurse up and told her my intentions. She said, "well, you could give up and kill yourself, or you could do something about your life".

I stayed awake for three days and nights thinking about what my nurse said. I decided that I wasn’t going to give up and that I was going to do something about my situation and make my life better. Some how some way. I didn’t know how I was going to do this.

A couple of days after making my decision my nurse called me up and told me about the Beacon Program at the Rehab in Waterville. I was there within a couple of weeks.
Dr. Mulhal, my psychiatrist, told me about clozapine, and the dangers of taking it. I thought about it for a couple of weeks and decided to try it. He put me on the clozapine and combined it with lamictal. It worked. I started getting well. I felt better than I had in my whole life. Even better than I was before I got sick.

While there I started attending the Annapolis Valley Work Activity Centre. I started off full time but couldn’t handle it. I went into a severe depression and stopped going for a couple of weeks. They called me up and talked with me. We decided that I would just attend the centre for a half day in the morning. So I did. After a few months I felt that I could handle going full time. I did. I took upgrading, personal development, job development, and woodworking.

Meanwhile the staff at the Beacon Unit were working with me so I could achieve rehabilitation. They taught me how to cook, do laundry, they taught how to solve my psychological problems, and most of all they taught me how to make my own decisions. I tried to get the staff there to make my decisions for me. But they wouldn’t. They made me make them. If I made the right decision I reaped the benefits, if I made the wrong decision I reaped the consequences.

Meanwhile I met my present wife on the bus while going to the Work Centre. We talked every morning and every afternoon on the bus. Then we started getting together and doing things.

Finally it was time to leave the Beacon Unit. Kim, my wife helped me find a room in Kentville. A few months after leaving the Rehab it was time to graduate from the Work Centre. My family and Kim attended my graduation.

Around the same time I graduated Kim and I got a place together. A few months later I landed a job at a candle factory. A couple of weeks after landing this job Kim and I got married. We’ve been married for over five years now. I also worked at the candle factory for over five years.
During this period after I started working I started up a Schizophrenia Newsletter. Our local chapter of the Schizophrenia Society sponsors it. A real good friend of mine by the name of Harold helps me with the newsletter.

During this time I was also diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. I was put on medication for this problem.. I take celexa for it. My OCD still gives me trouble but I am slowly getting it under control and being quite successful at it.

At the present moment I’m writing this article I have been laid off from the candle factory for over five months. I didn’t realize how important work was in my life until I got laid off. I’ve been holding out hoping I would get back to work at the factory. But I’m not back yet. I’m hoping to get back there soon or find another job.

To end on a positive note. There is hope for those who have a mental illness and/or addiction. It is possible to get well and live lives of meaning, purpose, and become productive members of society.