Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Writers Block

I haven't been doing much writing lately on any of my blogs. I have written a couple of things but that is all. I am suffering from terrible writers block. I have also been sick for a few days. I went to the Doctor last night. I have a viral infection in my chest. The doctor gave me a puffer to use to help clear up my lungs.

At this very moment I am listening to a classical online radio station trying to think of something to write about. I am just free writing. I am writing down whatever just pops into my head.

There are times when I am able to accomplish a lot but there are times when I don't accomplish much. I am going through a period right now where I haven't been accomplishing much. I don't like being in that state of mind. I am the type of person that needs to be always doing something. I don't like sitting around doing nothing. When I am in that state of mind I don't like my life and I don't life myself either. Even though I am recovering very well from my illness's and addiction I still have bad periods in my life. Things cannot be perfect all of the time.

I must say though that 90% of the time I am sitting right on top of the world but 10% of the time I am in a bad state of mind. When I was ill it was the opposite. 10% of the time I wasn't feeling all that bad but 90% of the time I was in a state of pain, suffering, torture, and torment. I am just so grateful that things have turned around for me. I am so grateful and thankful for the way my life is right now I cannot express it in words.

I am hoping that I can climb out the doldrums and get busy achieving my goals and objectives in life. I want to get busy again. There is an expression. When it's all over all that matters is what you have done. I want to get down to business and start doing things again. When I pass on from this life I want to leave a legacy behind me of things that I have done. I still need time out though for rest and relaxation. We all need that time out to get alone with ourselves and get away from all the hassles of life. We all need a break sometimes. I have had people call me a workaholic. I don't think that I am, in fact I feel that I don't do enough. I have a desire to accomplish a lot more in my life than I have up to this moment. I am just a go-getter and don't like to be idle. When I was ill I wasn't able to accomplish anything. For 20 or more years I did absolutely nothing. Never accomplished much. Now I am and I am grateful and thankful for it. In fact I have done more in the last nine years or so than I have during all that time before I took ill with schizophrenia. When I look back with hindsight I started taking ill when I was about 14 years old. From that time right up until February 2000 my life has been nothing but a living hell. Now my life is the complete opposite. I am living in heaven and the state of living in hell is far behind me thanks to medication, psycho-social treatments, and God's direct intervention in my life. I am recovering from my schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, addiction, and alcoholism. Concerning life right now I am just having a ball. My life is full of happiness, joy, peace of mind, and I also feel good about the fact that I am accomplishing things in life. I have done things and will continue to do things for the rest of my life. I just hope that I will not have any more relapses of my illness's. I believe that if I stay on my meds and take them faithfully I will not have any more relapses. A relapse would be very devastating for me. I just hope that I don't have any.

Bye for now.

Good luck in your own recovery.

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